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Sunday, November 28, 2010

People who ring me on a Saturday morning from work

I HATE people who ring me from work at 8:45 on a god damn saturday morning who then go on to say in their most scornful voice..

"Are you still in bed???"

Yes im still bloody in bed on my day off!  I am NOT going to set my alarm and get up early on my only day off on the offchance that YOU have done something moronic to the computer system!!


Winter Hats That Make Me Look Stupid

Now as many of my close friends know, I am always complaining about the cold.  And it being the dead of winter and at least -30 degrees outside, I decided it was time to buy a winter hat.  But what kind?  You see so many women walking around town, donned in their stylish arctic headwear, they make it look so easy.  But is it?.... NO!

Instead of looking like this....

I get this...

There clearly has to be some arcane magic to looking good in a hat that is fiercely guarded so that us mere mortals are doomed forever to look ridiculous.   Or maybe Ive just got on odd shaped head.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Shania Twain

Shania Twain... What can I say? She epitomises everything I hate.  Please can someone for the love of god tell me why people would choose to listen to this?  Watch her band in the background... these are actual musicians!  Honest to god real musicans...   please go away and sacrifice yourself to the gods of credibility now and never darken my door again!

A trip to Tesco's

The other night, I visited my local Tesco metro so stock up on snackage ready for a marathon night of xboxing.  I got the usual gaming fare... Coke, chocolate, crisps and these nice cheese twists that they do there.  When I got to the till, the assistant put everything in a bag for me, apart from my chocolate. 

"I'll let you put this in your handbag in case it gets lost in the carrier bag"

Lost?.... Lost in a tescos bag?  Why should be Twix be anymore precious than my other vital groceries?  Is this a comman phenonman?  Do items usualy disappear from Tescos bags?  If it is, I would have saved my Diet Coke from this impending voayage into the unknown, not my Twix.  Oh had I but known!

Corparate Business People

I HATE so called inspiring pictures of corporate business...  See for yourselves..

Seriously, is there anything more annoying than these people who wander around in their ridiculous uncomfortable suits with cuff links, thinking they are so important... walking around the place, talking in a loud voice about they are looking to expand their portfolio of properties or other such nonsense.  Be warned, you will find most of these working in marketing. 

So if your one of these people, and use buzzwords like "webinar"  "blue sky thinking" or refer to problems as "challenges" , do me a favour, find the nearest tree and hang yourself.  Think of it as "resource downsizing" for the good of the human race.